We humans tend not to be good critical or innovative thinkers, and we tend to engage in fast thinking tainted by cognitive biases. Our emotions are inextricably intertwined with cognition, and depending on whether and how we manage them, these emotions can either enhance or undermine our behavior, thinking, and decision making.
We tend to “defend, deny, and deflect” when confronted with information that challenges our beliefs. Our nature can cause us to think and behave in ways that protect our egos, and we usually listen to confirm, not to learn. Our evolutionary fight-flee-or-freeze response is triggered by fears of failure and embarrassment that interfere with our abilities to engage in creativity, critical and innovative thinking, and emotional engagement with others.
Four fundamental behaviors that will help us overcome our nature and nurture limitations:
Quieting Ego,
Managing Self (one’s thinking and emotions),
Reflective Listening, and
Otherness (emotionally connecting and relating to others).
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside us all. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked: “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Mindfulness takes us out of our dominant analytical “doing” mode and puts us in a “being” mode, experiencing what is in front of us with clarity.
Gary Klein’s Recognition-Primed Decision Model: This model describes how experts assess situations and decide whether to go with their intuitive solution or not
Gary Klein’s Insight Process: Described in his book Seeing What Others Don’t: The Remarkable Ways We Gain Insights
US Army After-Action Review (AAR):
Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test
The tool that helped the most to facilitate connecting with others in conversation was to say “Yes, and …” instead of “Yes, but …”